Why Am I So Hard on Myself? Learning to Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rediscover the Confidence That's Already Within You
Why Am I So Hard on Myself? | Understanding Your Inner Critic, Confidence & Hypnotherapy
Ian Franklin
10/9/20263 min read
Why Am I So Hard on Myself? | Understanding Your Inner Critic, Confidence & Hypnotherapy
Do you constantly criticise yourself, even when others praise you? Discover why your inner critic develops, learn a simple confidence anchor, and explore how hypnotherapy can help you build lasting self-belief.
Making Friends with Yourself Again
"Ian... I don't think I've ever been good enough."
Those words have stayed with me over the years because I've heard them in so many different forms.
Sometimes it's...
"I'm my own worst enemy."
Sometimes...
"Everyone thinks I'm doing well... but inside I don't feel it."
Or perhaps the one I hear most often...
"I speak to myself in a way I'd never speak to anyone else."
If any of those thoughts feel familiar, I'd like you to pause for a moment.
Imagine your closest friend came to you after making a small mistake.
Would you tell them they were hopeless?
Would you say they'd never succeed?
Would you remind them of every mistake they've ever made?
Of course you wouldn't.
So why do so many of us speak to ourselves that way?
The answer often begins much earlier in life than people realise.
Our confidence isn't something we're born with.
It's something we learn.
Every encouraging word.
Every criticism.
Every disappointment.
Every success.
Every relationship.
Every teacher.
Every parent.
Every life experience quietly helps shape the conversation we have with ourselves.
The problem is that our subconscious mind doesn't always update the script.
A comment made years ago...
A difficult relationship...
A harsh teacher...
An embarrassing moment...
All of these experiences can become part of an internal story that quietly repeats itself.
"Don't get your hopes up."
"You'll probably fail."
"You're not clever enough."
"Other people are better than you."
The remarkable thing is that after hearing those thoughts for long enough, they begin to sound like facts.
They're not.
They're habits.
And habits can be changed.
One of my favourite confidence exercises is beautifully simple.
I call it the Evidence Anchor.
Take out your phone or a notebook.
Write down three things you've done well today.
Not extraordinary things.
Ordinary things.
Perhaps you smiled at someone.
Finished a task.
Made someone laugh.
Cooked a meal.
Went for a walk.
Answered an email you'd been avoiding.
Now read the list slowly.
As you do, gently place your hand over your heart and take one slow, comfortable breath.
This small movement becomes your physiological anchor.
Every day you repeat it, you're teaching your brain something new.
"Maybe I'm doing better than I thought."
It sounds simple.
Because it is.
But simple things, repeated consistently, often create extraordinary change.
One of the greatest privileges of my work is watching people rediscover qualities they thought they'd lost.
Confidence.
Self-belief.
Calm.
Hope.
They weren't missing.
They'd simply been hidden beneath years of self-criticism.
That's one of the reasons I enjoy hypnotherapy so much.
It doesn't try to create a different person.
It helps you reconnect with the person you've always been underneath the doubt.
I've been privileged to help people from all walks of life.
Teachers.
Business owners.
Parents.
Healthcare professionals.
Students.
Retired people.
Many arrived believing confidence was something other people were born with.
They left realising confidence isn't a personality trait.
It's a skill.
And like any skill...
It can grow.
If low confidence, self-doubt or overthinking are holding you back, you may find it helpful to explore my
where you'll discover how I help people build confidence, reduce anxiety and develop lasting emotional resilience.
You'll also find more practical ideas, calming techniques and articles on
designed to support you between sessions.
If today's article has made you realise just how hard you've been on yourself...
I'd like you to remember one thing.
You have survived every difficult day you've ever faced.
That tells me something important.
There is far more strength within you than your inner critic will ever admit.
Whenever you're ready, I'd be delighted to
hear your story and explore how I may be able to help.
Sometimes learning to be kinder to yourself becomes the beginning of everything else.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why am I my own worst critic?
Many people develop an inner critic through life experiences, expectations, perfectionism or repeated negative messages. The encouraging news is that these thought patterns are learned, which means they can also be changed.
Can hypnotherapy improve confidence?
Many clients find hypnotherapy helps strengthen self-belief by working with the subconscious patterns that influence confidence, self-esteem and emotional resilience.
Why do compliments make me feel uncomfortable?
When your subconscious beliefs don't match what someone says about you, compliments can feel difficult to accept. Building healthier self-beliefs often makes accepting praise feel much more natural.
My Professional UK Studio
Wivenhoe Business Centre, Wivenhoe, Colchester, Essex United Kingdom CO7 9DP
Hypnotherapist Colchester, Essex
Serving Colchester, Wivenhoe, Brightlingsea, Clacton, Harwich, Frinton, Chelmsford, London, and across Essex — plus online hypnotherapy worldwide.
Modern, confidential, positive therapy that works.